The short version: Consensual non-monogamy (CNM) is any relationship where everyone involved openly agrees that romantic or sexual connections with other people are welcome. It is an umbrella term, not a single thing — and monogamy sits on the same map. This guide lays out the common styles in plain language, so you can find words for what you already feel or understand a partner who uses them.
Monogamy
One romantic and sexual partner at a time, by mutual agreement. The cultural default in much of the world.
Key idea: exclusivity is the container for commitment.
Monogamish
Mostly monogamous, with a mutually agreed door open for occasional outside sexual experiences. The term was coined by writer Dan Savage.
Key idea: mostly closed, with honest, negotiated exceptions.
Open relationship
A committed couple agrees that each may have sexual connections with other people, while the couple stays the central romantic bond.
Key idea: sexual openness, romantic exclusivity.
Swinging
Committed partners share recreational sex with others, often together and in social or couple settings. The emphasis is on shared sexual experiences rather than separate romances.
Key idea: recreational, couple-centered, social.
Polyamory
Having more than one loving, romantic relationship at a time, with everyone’s informed consent. About emotional connection, not only sex.
Key idea: multiple loves, full knowledge and consent.
Hierarchical vs. non-hierarchical
Two ways to structure polyamory. Hierarchical: a “primary” partner (shared home, finances, priority) plus “secondary” relationships. Non-hierarchical: no partner is ranked above another.
Key idea: whether relationships are ranked.
Solo polyamory
Practicing polyamory as an autonomous individual — no primary merger of household or finances. You are your own anchor.
Key idea: independence first; no couple as the unit.
Relationship anarchy
Rejects imposed rules and rankings between relationship types. Each bond — romantic or not — is negotiated on its own terms. The term was coined by Andie Nordgren.
Key idea: no default rules; design each bond yourself.
These aren’t rigid boxes. Real relationships blend them and change over time. Whatever the label, the healthy common denominator is the same: informed consent, honesty, and ongoing communication — not any particular structure.
Curious how people actually keep these relationships healthy?
The structure matters less than the maintenance. Partners who do well — monogamous or not — tend to talk regularly and on purpose, not just when something breaks. If you want a simple, repeatable way to do that, build one with the Relationship Check-In tool. And if you want to know what the research actually says about non-monogamy and relationship happiness, start with the Research Library.
This is educational information, not therapy or advice for your specific situation. If you’d like to talk something through, 1:1 coaching is a judgment-free place to start.